


1/3

by melodramatic



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied Self-Harm, It's just sad okay?, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, They meet as kids, flashes back and forth, implied homicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 06:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodramatic/pseuds/melodramatic
Summary: The grief was an endless cycle, but Tyler didn't know any other way.





	1/3

Tyler sat at his kitchen table - his breakfast untouched. His coffee was cold, and the butter on his toast had become an undersireable oil by now. Yet he had no desire to get up.

So he stared ahead at the blank, white wall.

There was a hole in the heart that he wasn't even sure he had anymore. It was a hole that couldn't be filled by anything, or anyone, no matter how hard he tried. And boy did he try.

Tyler twirled his wedding ring around his finger. 

There was a lump in his throat that he swallowed when a small hand tapped him on the shoulder. 

"Daddy? Are you okay?" A small voice asked. 

It instantly put something like a smile on Tyler's face, and he turned around to look at his daughter. He silently picked her up and placed her on his lap.

"Of course. I'm always okay," He claimed. 

Tiana frowned, "You don't look okay. You look sad. And I don't like it when you look sad."

Tyler chuckled, but it wasn't due to being humored. Thankfully, his eight-year-old daughter couldn't pick up on that.

Before Tyler could reply, there were footsteps from behind the both of them, prompting them to turn around at the same time and watch as the love of Tyler's life rounded the corner. 

The love of his life. 

The words were fake, and tasted sour in his mouth. Suddenly he wanted to scream.

"Hey, Ty," Jenna greeted, planting a kiss on the top of his head, "Are you okay?"

He didn't make eye contact, but he nodded, nonetheless, "'m fine."

The both of them stared into each other's eyes for a moment, silently communicating. But Jenna didn't know.

It was a burden that Tyler carried on his own shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Tiana asked, looking between the two parents. 

"Nothing, T. Let's go get you ready for school, okay?" Jenna immediately responded, taking her daughter's hand and immediately leading her to her room.

Tyler sighed deeply and looked down at his coffee again. It was even more undesireable than it was a few minutes ago. So he left both of the items on the table as he stood up and grabbed his jacket, heading out of the door.

//

_"Psst," A voice from beside Tyler whispered._

_He looked at the teacher who was still at her desk, flipping through a magazine. He then looked towards the direction the voice came from._

_"What?" He whispered back._

_"What's the answer to number twelve?"_

_Tyler blinked. He was never one to let anyone cheat off of him. Especially since this was the biggest test they were going to take in their whole year of fifth grade. This was the placement test. There was no way he was going to tell someone else the answers to his test._

_"Figure it out yourself," He snapped, turning back to his paper._

_"Please," The young boy begged, stretching out each syllable._

_"No! Figu-"_

_"Tyler! Josh! No talking!"_

_Tyler turned his head towards their teacher and immediately put his hands up in defense, "It wasn't me! He was trying to copy me!"_

_"Nu-uh!" Josh protested, despite the fact that he was lying through his teeth._

_Either way, they were both sentenced to detention._

_Tyler sat there with his arms crossed, and tears stinging his eyes. He was going to get into so much trouble when he got home. He could already hear his mother shouting at him and disciplining him. Maybe he'd get grounded from video games. Maybe from playing outside. Either way, it wasn't his fault, and Josh should be the only one in trouble, in his opinion._

_"Hey," A quiet voice came from behind him, poking him on the shoulder._

_Tyler ignored it and leaned forward._

_"Tyler."_

_He said nothing and stared at the ticking clock. Thirty three minutes to go._

_"I'm sorry."_

_Tyler raised an eyebrow and turned around. He evaluated the expression on Josh's face, and - well, he looked apologetic, that was for sure._

_"You should be. I got in trouble because of you."_

_"I know," Josh put his head in his hands, "I-I'm just not smart. And I know you're smart, so I was hoping I could copy off you and maybe get a good grade."_

_And this was the part where Tyler actually began to feel a bit of sympathy for the boy that he had only resented up to this point._

_But still, Tyler wasn't sure of what to say._

_Josh simply stared back at him with the large, brown eyes that he had. He even seemed friendly at this point. Maybe they could get along, after all._

_"I'm sorry," He said again, slamming his head down on the desk, and then groaning in pain._

_Tyler's eyes went wide, "Hey, don't do that! You're gonna hurt yourself."_

_Josh shrugged, "I'll be okay."_

_There was a moment of silence where Tyler wondered if there was maybe something wrong with Josh. But he wasn't going to ask. Not yet, anyways._

_"I don't think you're not smart," Tyler spoke._

_Josh simply shook his head, "Yeah, right."_

_"I'm serious. I think you're smart. And cool."_

_"Really?"_

_"Mhm," Tyler was only being slightly disingenuous. But he was suddenly finding it hard to be rude to the poor kid._

_"Wanna come over to my house after this?" He asked, his brown eyes getting wide and excited at the prospect of having a friend._

_But Tyler's brows furrowed, "On a Wednesday?"_

_"Yeah! My dad doesn't care. He's usually not even home, so it's okay."_

_Tyler was too young to be concerned by that comment, "I can't. My mom would be mad. Maybe on Friday or Saturday, though. I'll ask her when I get home."_

_Josh nodded enthusiastically, "Okay! Sounds good!"_

_The last bell rang, and they were dismissed by the detention teacher. Before they parted ways - Josh heading towards the school bus, and Tyler heading toward his mom's car - Josh gave him a tight hug._

_"I'll see ya later!" He called, skipping towards the bus stop._

_Tyler chuckled and waved back at him, sort of excited to see him at school the next day._

//

Tyler was sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table, with Jenna tucked under his arm, as they watched - well, they watched something. Tyler wasn't really paying much attention. 

"Ty?" Jenna asked, craning her head up to face Tyler. 

"Hm?" He responded, not taking his eyes from the television. 

She took the remote and muted the TV, pulling Tyler's attention at her. 

When she didn't say anything, and neither did he, he shrugged, as if he didn't know what she expected. 

"What, Jenna?" He asked, his tone clipped. 

She sat back, "Why are you being so short with me?"

Tyler sighed and rubbed his face, "Sorry. Sorry. I'm just tired," He got up from the couch and headed towards their room, "I'm going to bed." He called over his shoulder, pretending he didn't hear her asking him to wait.

In bed, he tossed and turned, his mind racing, but at the same time, saying nothing in particular. He shut the light off and closed his eyes. Maybe that would help him fall asleep.

It did not. 

But when Jenna eventually came to bed, he pretended to already be asleep. She sighed and took her usual spot, turning so that her back faced him. 

Tears stung Tyler's eyes, but he wasn't even sure why. He only knew one person who would know exactly what to do. That person was dead, though. So.

He took a deep breath and finally fell asleep, two hours later. 

//

_"Joshua Dun, you are wild," Tyler chuckled in disbelief as Josh attempted to talk him into climbing the fence to ditch P.E._

_"No one will even notice. C'mon, please, Ty. Do it for me," Josh pleaded, blinking his eyes rapidly, in a joking manner._

_Tyler chuckled and shoved his chest, "You're weird," Even though the gesture gave him butterflies in his stomach._

_They were in the middle of their eighth year of school, and had been virtually inseparable for almost three years now. Tyler did not tell Josh about the butterflies in his stomach, or the little flip his heart would do each time Josh came even relatively close to him._

_It was beginning to become a problem, really._

_A problem that he wouldn't say anything about, though._

_"Please, Ty? We can go to my house. It'll just be the two of us," Josh moved closer towards him and gently grabbed one of his hands, stroking his thumb over it._

_Tyler's skin was on fire._

_"I don't know, Josh, I have a perfect attendance record, y'know."_

_But they both laughed, because deep down, they knew that Tyler would bend to the will of the wind to accommodate one of Josh's requests. He was simply head-over-heels for the boy. Always had been, and probably always would be. They were almost polar opposites, but maybe that's what brought them so close together._

_"Let's go," Josh said with a smirk, not letting go of Tyler's hand as he lead him across the feild behind the school, where hardly anyone else went._

_Tyler hopped over the fence with ease, because of his slim and agile figure, while Josh made it down with a little more struggle and a gash across his hand that started bleeding immediately._

_"Oh - Josh!" Tyler shouted, taking a close look at the wound._

_"Eh," He shrugged, watching the blood pour down his wrist, "I'll be okay."_

_But Tyler rolled his eyes, "You always say that." He stripped off his T-shirt and wrapped it across the boy's hand._

_"Thanks," Josh mumbled._

_Tyler didn't say anything, but shivered in his tank top instead. He kept one arm around Josh's waist as they walked down the street and towards his house, feeling a sudden protective desire come over him._

_He just didn't want to the boy get hurt again._

_"Oh, shit," Josh cursed as they walked up his driveway and spotted the old, dark red car, "My dad's home."_

_Josh tensed up beneath Tyler's hand, and Tyler's heart sank._

_Although Josh was never explicit in his tellings, they both knew about the tense relationship the boy and his father had. "Tense" was putting it lightly, actually. His father was a drunk, and got too angry too often, resulting in a defenseless Josh Dun having to pay for something he hadn't done._

_Tyler worried about the safety of his best friend every day._

_"Let's go to the creek," Tyler suggested, turning them right around and heading the opposite direction._

_"Why the creek?" Josh asked, despite blindly following Tyler's lead._

_Tyler shrugged, "It's peaceful there. I like to go there to think sometimes."_

_So they went. And it was peaceful. They picked a spot all the way towards the back of the creek, and then laid side-by-side on the damp grass and watched the trees sway above them. Back and forth. Back and forth._

_Tyler turned to his left and surveyed Josh's face. It was pretty. Josh was pretty. His skin was light and smooth, and Tyler had a very hard time not reaching out and caressing his hand along the side of his face._

_He didn't do that. Instead, he watched Josh's eyes sway with the trees. His body was relaxed, but his eyes were not. They darted all around the trees and the sky. Tyler was worried, to say the least._

_"I'm worried," He whispered right next to Josh's ear._

_Josh turned his head and cocked an eyebrow, "Hm?"_

_"I'm worried about you," He repeated, a bit louder this time._

_"Why's that?"_

_Tyler sighed, "You get hurt a lot."_

_Josh raised his hand and peeked under the makeshift bandage to look at the wound, "This? This'll heal in no time."_

_But Tyler shook his head, "I don't mean that. I mean... the other stuff. With your dad."_

_The boy's jaw tightened for only a second, as he let his eyes roam further downwards, at the space between their bodies. Suddenly his expression denoted a sort of sadness, that Tyler couldn't recall ever seeing before_

_"Don't be worried. I'll be okay."_

_"You always say that. What if one day, you're not okay?"_

_There was a silence in the air, and Josh did not respond to the question. Instead, he turned on his side, so that his body fully faced Tyler._

_The silence in the air remained for a few more seconds, and Josh let his expression soften to that of Tyler's._

_Josh simply plucked a piece of grass from beneath them and took one of Tyler's hands, wrapping it around his ring finger._

_"I promise," He whispered._

//

Tyler twirled his ring around his finger, as he drove his wife and daughter towards the more rural part of Ohio. 

"What're you getting me for my birthday, Mama?" Tiana asked, kicking her feet excitedly from where she sat. 

Jenna turned around and made a funny face at the girl, "I'm not telling."

"Tell me, please!" She pleaded, fluttering the eyelashes to her big brown eyes. But her mother simply chuckled and shook her head, turning back around towards the front. 

"Hey," Jenna pointed to something to the right of the car, "We should go to Johnson Creek sometime. I hear it's really pretty, but I've never been."

Tyler immediately shook his head, "It's not that great. We probably shouldn't go."

"You've been?" Jenna asked, turning towards him. 

He shrugged, "Awhile ago. But there's better places in Ohio to go than some creek."

 _Some creek_ , his mind repeated. He felt a pang of distress in his heart. As if he had betrayed someone.

Maybe he should see a therapist.

Either way, Jenna shrugged and looked back out of the window, "If you say so."

//

_Tyler looked up at Josh. They were close now. Very close. It would only take a few inches to close the gap._

_So he scooted forwards, the grass sure to stain his pants, but he didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to be close._

_"Promise you'll always stay safe?" Tyler whispered._

_Josh moved his hand from Tyler's, and set it gently on his waist._

_"I promise."_

_And he didn't know exactly when it happened, or who initiated it, but their lips met for the first time._

_It was everything either of them had dreamt of, believe it or not. It was so, so tender and personal, and Tyler couldn't believe they hadn't done this before._

_He wanted this forever._

_He wanted this forever._

//

"Josh is dead, Tyler. It almost seems like you're still holding on. As if you expect him to come back."

"I don't expect him to come back."

"Are you sure?"

//

_"I wish we could stay like this forever," Tyler commented softly, as they laid facing each other on his bed._

_Josh kissed his forehead, "Me too, baby. Me too."_

_Five, ten minutes passed by. Josh had to get home before his dad woke up. Tyler knew this, but he also wasn't ready to let go just yet._

_"Y'know, one day we'll get our own place. Just you and me. And we would be able to stay like this all day," Tyler said, pulling Josh in for one last kiss._

_Josh then hopped off of the bed and tugged his pants back on, "I can't wait." With a kiss on the cheek and a final goodbye, Josh went back home._

_He was only a few blocks away, but Tyler's heart still ached for the boy._

_So he sent him a text message._

_Tyler (5:15): You get home safely?_

_Josh (5:15): You know it ;) but my dad was already awake. He's reeeaalllyy mad tonight_

//

"You never talk to me anymore!" Jenna shouted, not even bothering to keep her tone down.

Tyler put his head in his hands. 

"I thought seeing that therapist would help, but you only seem to be getting worse. What's wrong with you, Tyler? What aren't you telling me?"

//

_Tyler (5:16): Are you sure you're going to be okay? You can come back over here, if you need to_

_Tyler (5:20): Josh?_

_Josh (5:25): Thanks for the offer. I think i'll be fine_

_Tyler (5:25): I'm worried. Can you come back, please? And stay the night?_

_Tyler (5:35): Josh?_

_Tyler (5:42): Joosshhh_

_Josh (5:43): cant_

_Tyler (5:43): Is everything okay? He isn't hurting you, is he?_

_Tyler (5:50): Josh._

_Josh (6:00): im fine._

_Tyler (6:00): You don't seem fine. I'm coming over._

_Within two seconds, Tyler recieved a phone call._

_"Tyler, you can't come over," Josh pleaded the second Tyler answered._

_"Are you hurt, Josh?"_

_"No, I'm-" There was an ear-piercing shot in the background, "fine."_

_"Was that a gun!?" Tyler shrieked, popping up immediately from his bed._

_"Tyler, don't come over, please! I can handle this myself, okay? He's just drunk. Let me handle this."_

_"At least let me call the cops-"_

_"No! Tyler, you can't. Please, I promise I'll be safe. I promise."_

_Tyler took a deep breath. He was simply too inexperienced with life to know what to do._

_"Okay," There was a loud crash on Josh's side of the line and even Tyler tensed up, "I love you, J."_

_"I love you, too, Ty."_

_He hung up without another word._

//

Jenna looked deeply into Tyler's eyes, looking back and forth. 

"Be honest with me. Is there someone else?"

Tyler let out a sick chuckle.

//

_Tyler sat in his desk with his hood on as he stared down at his hands. They were talking about him. They all were. He knew it._

_A voice came on the intercome, "Good morning to all students! Hope you're having a fine Monday so far!"_

_Tyler didn't ever notice how cheery the office lady sounded until now. It made him sick._

_A few minutes later, her tone became more somber, "Now, let's all have a moment of silence, to honor Joshua Dun. An excellent student and an even better young man. All of the counselors have their doors open, should anyone feel the need to talk. And now, a moment of silence."_

_But the silence was loud. It rang in Tyler's ears and his head pounded with a sudden ache of exhaustion._

_His head might've been down, but he was not blind. He saw the other people in his class turn towards him, and avoid eye contact with him in the hallways._

_It was weird seeing Tyler without Josh. He knew that just as much as anyone._

_But it's not exactly like he had a choice._

_Two months later, after his mother saw the scars that decorated both of his wrists, he was enrolled in home schooling._

//

It was the third of January again, and Tyler wanted to die. Plain and simple as that.

As he stood over the grave of the only human being he had ever truly come to love, his heart was less than a third of what it usually was. 

Silent tears and a lump in his throat was all he knew anymore. 

But he would go home eventually. He would go home to a house that he shared with two other people, not making it feel any less empty. 

Part of him felt bad for his family. He wished he had more of a heart and more of a soul to share with Jenna and Tiana. But he was simply... tired.

He wished he were buried right alongside Josh. He should've ended it when he had the chance. He really should've.

He sat down right beside Josh's tombstone.

"I miss you so much," He whispered, beginning to sob uncontrollably. 

And he continued like that for quite some time. 

Until the sun set, and he left the same type of flowers he always left, and got back into his car, back towards his home. 

He would wake up tomorrow and the whole greiving process would start over again.

It was just a cycle he couldn't seem to break.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired via _Supermarket Flowers_ by Ed Sheeran
> 
> Thank you all for reading. I always love and always read any comments you feel like leaving. Name is Clinicallyforgotten on Tumblr, if you would like to request any prompts or send in an ask. 
> 
> Stay safe, friends


End file.
